a thousand mistakes

I have made about 3000 mistakes in my 6205 days of living. (and coincidentally it's my seventeenth birthday today).

not a very good record, i'd say, but i am proud of at least having a record. for it means that i have at least made choices on my own.



i am not a smartest person, when it comes to choices, that is. i usually go into overdrive, sometimes not considering my actual choices, sometimes overthinking, and oftentimes not caring at all.

simple fact is that making choices is hard.

it's hard to have to choose, to have to leave something behind for another, it's having to hear the people around say you made a mistake, when you fully know that, it's painful to have to accept the fact that you can't have everything, when usually it's everything you want.

yes, choosing is difiicult, but it's more difficult not to.



and on the other hand, it's also painful to be left out, not to be chosen.



and in the course of my life i have wondered about that for so many times..

and i have made choices, sometimes for absolute necessity and sometimes by obligation or constraint.

and i have made a lot of mistakes, obviously.

i have lost trust in people and myself, i have taken a pessimistic perspective, i have doubted things, i have tried avoiding choices, and have gone pretending i didn't care at all. But I learned that none of these could stop it. it's a part of life.



i have dreams, and making choices is essential in my quest in achieving these.



There was a time when i wondered what is more important, the alpha or the omega? or what difference it makes to actually try to solve your problems or just accept them as they come, or what smiles are, and what they represent, i have often wondered why and how i should go on.



3000 thousand mistakes later i ralized that the alpha and the omega are equally important, but what is more important is how you get in between. that these problems are mere crayons to paint our world with, and the thing is without actually handling them, they won't work. i have realized that choices are important, and are a privelege, for i can't imagine life without choices now. i realized that there are times when i should just accept, and take problems as they come, but i have also learned that action is important for motion 9and its physics) and that i must always go on.

and smiles, i have found out that they're the greatest miracles.



and yes, i have made more than 3000 mistakes in my 6205 days of living.



and i look forward to 10000 more. ü