Hypnagogia

Because I rarely get to sleep, I know that people know that when I talk about dreaming, I mean it in the figurative.

I have wondered about limits too. What is the limit to the dreaming? They say we are only limited by our imagination, all the possibilities we make are of ourselves.

I have often doubted this, knowing that there is a danger in all kinds of dreaming -- that of the inability to wake up, and face what reality awaits us. Of course the other alternative is to make the very dream a reality -- a fairy tale affair, those things in the books.

Yet in this slight mockery is masked my envy for those who actually make it. I was once used to getting most things I wanted - needed. Now I see myself, as if from afar, falter in most steps I take. I feel the very dream I nurse is that which burdens me with the realization that I am not as good as I want to be, need to be. Yet I also find that I cannot let it go.

I wonder if this means that I now encounter something infinitely bigger than myself, huge enough to limit any further step.

Or if this means that at last, I'm finally dreaming about something real, important - that this can take me further.

I feel small these days, I can only hope this means that I'm finally dreaming big enough.